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Transformers: The Last Knight
Movies
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If there is one interesting thing about this movie it is that I keep on assuming that the next TRANSFORMERS film can't possibly be as bad as the one before it, and yet I continue to be wrong. Michael Bay has sunk to a level of such horrible story telling and entertainment that, I'm guessing, even Hollywood executives are starting to have second thoughts as to whether they should give him a $250 million budget and a green light on his next venture. (Nah, I'm just kidding. Hollywood execs will always throw stupid amounts of money at Bay). ...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
The Lovers
Movies
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This is a sad, terrible, depressing, boring, slow waste of time. There is nothing in this film that is redeeming, gratifying or even slightly pleasant. It also has one of the most untrue to real life moments I have ever seen in a movie. (If you are unlucky enough to see this, I'm talking about the scene where he is playing piano and the son walks out the door). The lead characters do a fine job of portraying a couple growing apart, but that is about the only positive thing I can say about this movie....
 
1.5
 
0.0 (0)
Unforgettable
Movies
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I can't remember the last time I was so annoyingly and brutally bored by a movie as I was while seeing this thing. I'm serious when I say every single scene was either boring or completely ridiculous. There wasn't a single moment in this film where I thought that maybe it was about to take a turn for the better. It just stayed in a relentless race to the depths of the land of suck. It seems quite obvious that none of the lead actors were excited about making this movie, because all of...
 
1.1
 
0.0 (0)
Fifty Shades Darker
Movies
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Really? We're doing this again? I could probably just copy and paste my review of the first film here and it would suffice, but I'll be better than the film and try to make this somewhat original. When I saw the second trailer for this movie I was legitimately intrigued. It featured a strange girl that seemed to be stalking Anastasia, and it felt like the movie might genuinely have some suspense, conflict and a decent story line. I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I saw this two-hour long movie and...
 
1.2
 
0.0 (0)
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
Movies
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I'm sure that Director Paul Anderson is a nice guy with a wonderful family (Milla Jovovich is his wife and their daughter plays The Red Queen), but maybe they should think about coming up with another family hobby instead of making zombie movies together. This film is so ridiculously full of plot holes, sheer nonsense, moments of convenience, and utter stupidity that it isn't even worth a RedBox rental with a free coupon. The shaky camera trick covers up all of the action scenes, so you have no idea what is going...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
20th Century Women
Movies
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This is one of those films where I feel like I'm the only movie critic that saw a completely different movie than everyone else. Critics everywhere are raving about this movie and the performances in it. Personally, I hated it. I saw this film in a theater with 14 people. All of us were invited directly by the studio to screen this movie. Within 30 minutes of the opening scene 3 of the 14 people had walked out never to return. My soul left with them. I wish I could have...
 
1.8
 
0.0 (0)
Elle
Movies
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*Contains Spoilers I typically don't review foreign films, but this one is getting so much awards attention that I couldn't let my thoughts go unread. First off this film is directed by Paul Verhoeven. He's directed such "masterpieces" as SHOWGIRLS, BASIC INSTINCT, and many other lesser known but similar themed flicks. Therefore, almost any time you see the name Paul Verhoeven you should read "Guy that really wants to make pornos, but doesn't have the guts to just do it, so he wraps it around a crappy plot and calls it 'art'". ...
 
1.5
 
0.0 (0)
Underworld: Blood Wars
Movies
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Not only is this movie boring, it is also completely useless in the timeline of the larger UNDERWORLD universe. It is full of moments of convenience, bad choreography, and terrible acting. This flick is also full of the same tired things for which these films have become notorious. Hot girl in black leather: Check Innocent peace-lovers turned immediately into sexy, vixen-warriors: Check Good guy turns bad: Check Bad guy turns good: Check Simultaneous fights between the top four main characters in the middle of a much larger...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
Office Christmas Party
Movies
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This is one of those films where you know exactly what you are getting going into it. It's full of hard-partying hilarity, a minimal plot, and a heartwarming touch to seal the deal. Typically the only thing that makes these movies even remotely worth watching is the comedy. Even if you know what's coming it's fun to laugh like crazy for 90 minutes. Unfortunately, this movie just isn't that funny. It has a couple of moderate moments of fun, but there are very few times where anyone would find it laugh-out-loud funny....
 
1.9
 
0.0 (0)
Mechanic: Resurrection
Movies
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If you aren't familiar with the MECHANIC franchise the whole idea is that the main character is a hired assassin, but he makes his kills look like accidents. I wish someone had accidentally killed this movie in the planning stages. It is terrible. The powers that be for this film didn't even bother trying to be creative or original with this story. It is cliche and predictable all the miserable way through. Statham has many other films that are much more entertaining than this one. I suggest seeing any one of those instead....
 
1.2
 
0.0 (0)
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