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The Nut Job 2
Movies
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This is a bad sequel to a bad movie. Nobody asked for it, but Hollywood gave it to us anyway. Like the first film, this one is completely boring for adults and only slightly more entertaining for children. There are very few humorous moments, the characters are cliche and annoying, and even though the movie is less than 90 minutes long it's still about 30 minutes longer than it should be. They had to pad this movie with all sorts of fluff just to get it to a viable feature film length. Aside...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
The Emoji Movie
Movies
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Here is how I imagine the studio executives came up with the idea for this film. They were all sitting around a table after a long day of getting nothing accomplished when one of them says, "Let's make a movie that is almost exactly like INSIDE OUT, but instead of making it amazing we'll make it a huge pile of suck." "That's it!", replies another exec excited to have any idea at all. "Hey!", a third exec interjects, "What if three of the character that talk the most were really boring and monotonous?"...
 
1.6
 
0.0 (0)
A Ghost Story
Movies
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Nine minutes. Do you know how long nine minutes are? Sometimes nine minutes feels like it goes by in a flash, sometimes nine minutes feels like a lifetime. That was probably the point of director David Lowery wanting to show us the undefinable sense of time, but he does it with a NINE MINUTE scene of Rooney Mara eating a pie...aggressively. Eating a pie. Nine. Minutes. Kill me now. Look, here's the deal. If this...
 
2.2
 
0.0 (0)
Transformers: The Last Knight
Movies
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If there is one interesting thing about this movie it is that I keep on assuming that the next TRANSFORMERS film can't possibly be as bad as the one before it, and yet I continue to be wrong. Michael Bay has sunk to a level of such horrible story telling and entertainment that, I'm guessing, even Hollywood executives are starting to have second thoughts as to whether they should give him a $250 million budget and a green light on his next venture. (Nah, I'm just kidding. Hollywood execs will always throw stupid amounts of money at Bay). ...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
The Lovers
Movies
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This is a sad, terrible, depressing, boring, slow waste of time. There is nothing in this film that is redeeming, gratifying or even slightly pleasant. It also has one of the most untrue to real life moments I have ever seen in a movie. (If you are unlucky enough to see this, I'm talking about the scene where he is playing piano and the son walks out the door). The lead characters do a fine job of portraying a couple growing apart, but that is about the only positive thing I can say about this movie....
 
1.5
 
0.0 (0)
Unforgettable
Movies
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I can't remember the last time I was so annoyingly and brutally bored by a movie as I was while seeing this thing. I'm serious when I say every single scene was either boring or completely ridiculous. There wasn't a single moment in this film where I thought that maybe it was about to take a turn for the better. It just stayed in a relentless race to the depths of the land of suck. It seems quite obvious that none of the lead actors were excited about making this movie, because all of...
 
1.1
 
0.0 (0)
Fifty Shades Darker
Movies
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Really? We're doing this again? I could probably just copy and paste my review of the first film here and it would suffice, but I'll be better than the film and try to make this somewhat original. When I saw the second trailer for this movie I was legitimately intrigued. It featured a strange girl that seemed to be stalking Anastasia, and it felt like the movie might genuinely have some suspense, conflict and a decent story line. I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I saw this two-hour long movie and...
 
1.2
 
0.0 (0)
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
Movies
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I'm sure that Director Paul Anderson is a nice guy with a wonderful family (Milla Jovovich is his wife and their daughter plays The Red Queen), but maybe they should think about coming up with another family hobby instead of making zombie movies together. This film is so ridiculously full of plot holes, sheer nonsense, moments of convenience, and utter stupidity that it isn't even worth a RedBox rental with a free coupon. The shaky camera trick covers up all of the action scenes, so you have no idea what is going...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
20th Century Women
Movies
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This is one of those films where I feel like I'm the only movie critic that saw a completely different movie than everyone else. Critics everywhere are raving about this movie and the performances in it. Personally, I hated it. I saw this film in a theater with 14 people. All of us were invited directly by the studio to screen this movie. Within 30 minutes of the opening scene 3 of the 14 people had walked out never to return. My soul left with them. I wish I could have...
 
1.8
 
0.0 (0)
Elle
Movies
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*Contains Spoilers I typically don't review foreign films, but this one is getting so much awards attention that I couldn't let my thoughts go unread. First off this film is directed by Paul Verhoeven. He's directed such "masterpieces" as SHOWGIRLS, BASIC INSTINCT, and many other lesser known but similar themed flicks. Therefore, almost any time you see the name Paul Verhoeven you should read "Guy that really wants to make pornos, but doesn't have the guts to just do it, so he wraps it around a crappy plot and calls it 'art'". ...
 
1.5
 
0.0 (0)
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