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Fifty Shades Freed
Movies
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They should have named this movie FIFTY SHADES OF RED because everyone associated with it should be dreadfully embarrassed with the final product. The story is useless, the acting it stilted, and the chemistry and the plot are non-existent. When I say the plot is non-existent, I mean that for the first hour and fifteen minutes of this travesty there is almost ZERO plot. It's essentially 75 minutes of sex, music montages, and sex over music montages. Oh, and a 45 mile per hour car chase. I will say that with about 20 minutes...
 
1.0
 
0.0 (0)
Just Getting Started
Movies
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Morgan Freeman and Tommy Lee Jones are two of my all-time favorite actors. But that is only because I didn't see them in this first. Ladies and gentlemen, this is easily one of the worst films of 2017. You can see that everyone associated with this movie just gave up. (I can't blame the cast and crew entirely...the production company, Broad Green Pictures, did shut down their Production Division during the making of this movie). This film is so bad it should have a restraining order not to get within 500 feet of a...
 
1.0
 
0.0 (0)
The Snowman
Movies
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This movie is magical! It is one of the few films I've ever seen that makes two hours feel like four. That can only be accomplished by some sort of time-bending Voodoo, or maybe it's just a really bad movie. I can't recall ever seeing a film this disjointed, confusing, convoluted, and slow. There are major characters that don't add anything to the story, the editing is literally laughable at how bad it is, and the story is full of holes and moments of convenience. (And sometimes those moments combine to make for eye-rollingly terrible scenes). ...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
Woodshock
Movies
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Away! To my made up dictionary we go! WOODSHOCK - noun - (WUD shawk) - The stiff, comatose, yet painful stinging sensation of one's body and brain after having to watch a movie made by people with way more money than sense and are friends with studio people that...
 
1.6
 
0.0 (0)
Mother!
Mother! Hot
Movies
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I just finished seeing this film and I have no idea what I just saw. What I can tell you is that it was ridiculously slow for about 2/3 of the movie, and the other 1/3 was so over-the-top weird that people were walking out of the theater while others spent the whole time laughing...and not in a good way. Jennifer Lawrence's acting is stiff and plastic. Javier Bardem, one of my favorite actors, is just plain terrible in this flick. The rest of the cast is either creepy in a bad way, or spends all...
 
1.2
 
0.0 (0)
The Nut Job 2
Movies
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This is a bad sequel to a bad movie. Nobody asked for it, but Hollywood gave it to us anyway. Like the first film, this one is completely boring for adults and only slightly more entertaining for children. There are very few humorous moments, the characters are cliche and annoying, and even though the movie is less than 90 minutes long it's still about 30 minutes longer than it should be. They had to pad this movie with all sorts of fluff just to get it to a viable feature film length. Aside...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
The Emoji Movie
Movies
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Here is how I imagine the studio executives came up with the idea for this film. They were all sitting around a table after a long day of getting nothing accomplished when one of them says, "Let's make a movie that is almost exactly like INSIDE OUT, but instead of making it amazing we'll make it a huge pile of suck." "That's it!", replies another exec excited to have any idea at all. "Hey!", a third exec interjects, "What if three of the character that talk the most were really boring and monotonous?"...
 
1.6
 
0.0 (0)
A Ghost Story
Movies
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Nine minutes. Do you know how long nine minutes are? Sometimes nine minutes feels like it goes by in a flash, sometimes nine minutes feels like a lifetime. That was probably the point of director David Lowery wanting to show us the undefinable sense of time, but he does it with a NINE MINUTE scene of Rooney Mara eating a pie...aggressively. Eating a pie. Nine. Minutes. Kill me now. Look, here's the deal. If this...
 
2.2
 
0.0 (0)
Transformers: The Last Knight
Movies
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If there is one interesting thing about this movie it is that I keep on assuming that the next TRANSFORMERS film can't possibly be as bad as the one before it, and yet I continue to be wrong. Michael Bay has sunk to a level of such horrible story telling and entertainment that, I'm guessing, even Hollywood executives are starting to have second thoughts as to whether they should give him a $250 million budget and a green light on his next venture. (Nah, I'm just kidding. Hollywood execs will always throw stupid amounts of money at Bay). ...
 
1.4
 
0.0 (0)
The Lovers
Movies
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This is a sad, terrible, depressing, boring, slow waste of time. There is nothing in this film that is redeeming, gratifying or even slightly pleasant. It also has one of the most untrue to real life moments I have ever seen in a movie. (If you are unlucky enough to see this, I'm talking about the scene where he is playing piano and the son walks out the door). The lead characters do a fine job of portraying a couple growing apart, but that is about the only positive thing I can say about this movie....
 
1.5
 
0.0 (0)
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