Reviews Of What Is In Theaters Now

TULIP FEVER - Review

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TULIP FEVER

Rated: R

Release Date: September 1, 2017

Director: Justin Chadwick

Stars: Alicia Vikander, Dane DeHaan, Christoph Waltz, Holliday Grainger

Plot: A young, married woman falls in love with the man commissioned to paint her portrait while everyone around them goes crazy over tulips

Trailer

 

Clint Says: Wait for the DVD and make someone else rent it

 

 

What do you get when you put a bunch of Oscar-winning actors in a period piece that has the feeling that it might have been written by Shakespeare, but in reality the writing is a hot mess?

 

You get TULIP FEVER, a.k.a, a crappy movie. 

 

This is one of those films where you can't blame the actors. They did the absolute best with the junk that they were given. Having to hear Christoph Waltz talk about his "little soldier" in a serious way rather than the smarmy, obnoxious, holier-than-thou, Waltz characters we all know and love is really quite off-putting. 

 

At first I was intrigued by the Shakespearean style with the near misses and tragic misunderstandings, but as the film wore on I began to realize that the writer and director were throwing everything they could into the plot. Things got so complicated that major plot points were never developed or allowed at least to be understood.

 

Watching this film is a lot like watching a tulip grow. It's a long, boring process, but in the end, instead of getting a beautiful bloom we get a dead, withered, useless film.  

 

I would like to know why this movie was shelved for over a year after completion, but honestly, I don't care enough to take ten minutes to figure it out. This film is worth minimal effort at best. 

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Guest Thursday, 23 November 2017