Reviews Of What Is In Theaters Now

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THE 10 WORST FILMS OF 2019

(According to Clint)

 

1

HELLBOY

If there was ever a movie that should be walked out on, this is it. I felt like I was in hell the whole miserable time I had to endure this travesty.

 

 

2

THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN

First of all, this is a movie with no audience. It's about a race car driver who has a dog and a family. It tries to cram everything into one movie and ends up missing on everything. Then there is the ending...oh my. Easily one of the worst movie endings of all time.

 

 

3

CATS

Whoever thought that turning a terrible musical into a $100 Million budget movie and it would make money needs to be fired immediately. Not only is this movie going to be one of the biggest financial bombs in movie history, but it's also just a terrible movie. Scoop this one out with the bad kitty litter.

 

 

4

JEXI

Adam Devine is a really funny guy. I feel bad for him that he got stuck in this horrible movie. The screenplay was so bad we never got to see him do what he is capable of doing. The whole movie is uninteresting, flat, and useless.

 

 

5

PLAYMOBIL: THE MOVIE

This was just another crappy attempt at a studio cash grab, by taking advantage of families. Luckily, word got out about how bad this movie was and it ended up having the 3rd worst opening weekend of all time. Hahahahahaha!!!! Take that evil studio execs that green-lighted this mess.

 

 

 

6

UNCUT GEMS

This is one of the most polarizing films of the decade. I'm sure that you will find this film on some critics' Top 10 list. For me, this was a terrible waste of time and exhausting to watch. A huge portion of the movie is a bunch of people all on screen at the same time trying to yell over the top of each other. The rest of the movie focuses on all of the characters, none of which are redeemable in any way whatsoever. It's terrible people doing terrible things and terrible things are done to them.

 

 

 

7

ARCTIC DOGS

*scrolls back up to PLAYMOBIL. Copy. Scrolls back down to ARCTIC DOGS. Paste.*

This was just another crappy attempt at a studio cash grab, by taking advantage of families. Luckily, word got out about how bad this movie was and it ended up having the 3rd 44th worst opening weekend of all time. Hahahahahaha!!!! Take that evil studio execs that green-lighted this mess.

 

 

 

8

THE AFTERMATH

Studio Exec: What's your movie idea?

Pitcher: A British soldier takes his hot wife to Germany where they move into the house of a super-hot guy while he's still living there. Then the soldier leaves for a long time. Guess what happens next?!

Studio Exec: Love it! Film it now!

 

And that is the story of how Fox Searchlight Pictures got a HUGE tax write off for 2019.

 

 

 

9

GEMINI MAN

Will Smith is awesome. Two Will Smiths? Not so much. Especially when the second Will Smith requires millions of dollars of CGI to create, but your CGI budget is somewhere a lot closer to zero. Throw on top of that a really poor plot and you have the perfect recipe for a 10 Worst list contender.

 

 

 

10

THE INTRUDER

Dennis Quaid ruined this movie. If they had picked any other person to be the bad guy this would have been your normal bad movie and not finished anywhere near the 10 Worst. However, because Dennis Quaid was in it, and deemed it necessary to make the weirdest faces throughout the entire film, it is laughably unwatchable. 

 

 

 

 

Dishonorable Mentions for the Worst Films of the Year

 

 

AFTER

Yes, this looks hot and steamy. And it is. A hot, steamy pile of.... Anywho...This flick is formulaic, dull, and there is zero chemistry between the main characters. The only AFTER you will want if you see this is for it to be AFTER the movie is over.

 

 

 

REPLICAS

Keanu Reeves is one of the nicest guys in Hollywood. He's also at his best in movies where he doesn't have to say too much. (See JOHN WICK). Unfortunately, in REPLICAS, he talks all the time. It's painful.

 

 

 

RAMBO LAST BLOOD

Just because CREED was a successful reboot doesn't mean you should reboot all of your old stuff. RAMBO: LAST BLOOD is a case study as to why this rule should be followed all of the time.

 

 

Posted by on in Movie Reviews

THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN

Rated: PG

Release Date: August 9, 2019

Director: Simon Curtis

Stars: Kevin Costner, Milo Ventimiglia, Amanda Seyfried

Plot: A dog spends his life with a race car driver and his family

Trailer

 

Clint Says: Wait for the digital release

 

 

First off, let's just get this one out of the way right away, Kevin Costner is a terrible voice actor. I spent the entire film picturing him standing in a recording booth reading lines over and over again, but always reading them the same way until the director finally just gave up and said, "we've got it." There are so many lines that feel awkward and out of place. 

 

Next, since the entire movie is narrated by the dog (Kevin Costner), it feels like I was watching someone read a bad book aloud. The whole time I was mentally screaming at the movie to stop telling me things and start showing me. Telling is boring and static, showing is exciting and dynamic. 

 

The other thing that is so strange about this movie is that it doesn't seem to know it's target. Is it a dog movie? Is it a romance? Is it a movie about racing? Is it a movie about living life together? The answer is yes to all of them. You can't have a good movie that tries to do all of the things at once. It won't please anyone.

 

Throw on top of that poor dialogue, mediocre acting, and boring cinematography and you have a pretty bland flick that isn't worth your time or effort. If you happen to run across it when it comes out digitally, you might give it a shot just to see if you like it, but don't be surprised if you turn it off before the halfway point.