WORST 10 FILMS OF 2017
AND A FEW DISHONORABLE MENTIONS
Every year there are films that hit the big screen where almost every single person says, "Who thought making that movie was a good idea?" As a film critic I see over 200 films a year. There are a lot of opportunities for me to ask that question and many more. Most of the time I'm watching one of these terrible films I just sit there mentally screaming. "WHY!? WHY!?" like Nancy Kerrigan.
These are the films that you should avoid at all cost...no matter how great the trailer may have made it look.
Remember, I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.
10. RESIDENT EVIL: THE FINAL CHAPTER
The subtitle for this film is EVIL WILL END. I just wanted the movie to end, even if evil won.
Every character in this movie was an arrogant jerk. I would have been happy if they all died.
8. JUST GETTING STARTED
This is a case study in a Hollywood cash grab. It's also what happens when the production company basically goes out of business during the filming.
7. UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS
When you are begging for the werewolf to jump through the screen and kill you, you know it's a bad movie.
6. TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT
If I ever hear those #$%%@ words, "I am Optimus Prime," again, I may do serious damage to something.
5. VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS
Why act when you can just fill the screen with bad effects?
4. FIFTY SHADES DARKER
The worst part of this movie? Knowing that there is still one more to go. Shoot me now.
3. THE EMOJI MOVIE
If you are desperate to see an unfunny, 90-minute long iPhone commercial you are still going to be disappointed by this pile of crap.
2. THE SNOWMAN
The director was unable to shoot about 15% of this movie due to time constraints, yet they still released it in theaters. Not surprisingly, it completely sucks. If the studio can't be bothered with it, you shouldn't either.
This is the biggest pile of WTF of 2017. I'm sure on some level it is deep and meaningful and artistic and I'm just too stupid to get it, but whatever. This is a load of suck that can't ever be unseen.
2017 DISHONORABLE MENTIONS
AKA: The films that totally sucked, but not quite as bad as MOTHER!
A horror flick that nobody asked for or wanted, but they crammed it down our throats anyway.
THE NUT JOB 2
I really think the studio tried hard to make as unfunny a film as possible. Good grief, even politicians are funnier than this piece of junk.
Speaking of unfunny...if it wasn't for Wanda Sykes this would have made my 10 worst list. And what is up with that subtitle? It has nothing to do with anything. They must have done that on National non-sequitur day.
I would pay money if someone could help me forget this heaping pile of rubbish.
I still don't know what the title of this movie means. It has nothing to do with the movie. NOTHING! If you can't even bother with a partially descriptive title, then why should I see your crappy flick?